Tuesday, February 07, 2006
  Jesus Double Dips

I know there are starving kids but I don’t think I should be one of them. However, this is not one of the ideals my adult supervisors follow. It somewhat has to do with them being functioning alcoholics which sucks for responsibility but rocks when it comes to making sure the house is always stocked. So when I come home from a hard day of sleeping in class instead of there being a warm cooked meal (it doesn’t have to be hot) I am treated to a plateful of excuses.

Only one of two things can happen in this situation. One, I eat delicious Skyflake crackers all night or two I go on a Mickey D’s run and since we were out of peanut butter that meant it was time to head towards the golden arches. Let me pose this hypothetical situation to you:

Your crack dealer says “hey Simon remember that crack you’re addicted to?”
“Well, everyday of the week I’m going to give you that crack at a great low price… how bout it?”
In which Simon obviously says “Crack-tacular”

Fucking Ronald knows where to find my ass too right at the end of 24 at the peak of my hunger he starts up his seduction in commercial form “McDeal nigga how bout it?” “$3.99 come on you know you spent more for less.” He is right he is always right that’s why my brother and I headed out there with our mouths watering in anticipation.

We got the Big Extras which are just a cheap rip off of the Arch Deluxe (one of the best burgers ever made) and drove up to the cashier. Anyone who is truly a McDonalds connoisseur already knows the day I’m talking about just by the sandwich but for those who are unfamiliar here you go;

Monday: Big Extra
Tuesday: Big Mac
Wednesday: McChicken
Thursday: Double Cheeseburger
Friday: Fish Fillet
Saturaday: Two Cheeseburgers
Sunday: Quarter Pounder

Being a Monday you would think Mcdonalds had all week to make sure everything was on point. Well this was not the case because when I asked for McChicken sauce and Sweet and Sour sauce (essential for any McDonald meal… its kinda like putting sugar on strawberries or wearing no underwear during a lapdance) I was shocked to find out they were out of Sweet and Sour. Now I know recently at some McDonalds you have to pay ten cents to get a triple S or trips (I just made that up email me if you made it up or if you like it) so I offered the cashier some money and still I was denied my sauce. Did I give my order back, did I tell the cashier what I felt like of course not I’m a fucking junkie I just took my bag and drove off. I did however call Ronald later this is how it went;

“Ronald I’m a long time user first time caller, listen you’re a multi-billion dollar corporation; I make seven bucks an hour; there are billions of sweet and sour sauces in the world; I just want one I guess I’m just calling to say how bout it”
“Jeremy. That’s your name right?”
“No its Chris”
“Well tits you listen to me…you will be back so just shut up and eat your burgers”
“Yes sir, but while I got you here do you mind adding a couple more nuggets everyone knows six is not enough and they are delicious.”
“Jeremy we will think about it in the mean time stay frosty.” (click)

Why do abused women go back to their men, why do angles fall from heaven, why does McDonalds put six delicious morsels of meat into a small box and sell it at a price which you wouldn’t pay if it was a French prostitute… I’ll tell you why; you dont put all your eggs in one basket and you definately don't give a crackhead his share. Small packets of life are opened everyday I hope I will one day dip my nugget into this same elixer.
(narcissistic-fix):n. A drug for individual satisfaction

2006-01-29 / 2006-02-05 / 2006-02-12 / 2006-03-19 / 2006-03-26 / 2006-04-02 / 2006-10-22 / 2007-10-14 /

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